From Corporate_Communications@icgcomm.com Sun Apr  2 09:16:47 2000
Date: Sat, 1 Apr 2000 23:58:55 -0800 (PST)
From: Corporate_Communications@icgcomm.com
To: noc-staff@noc.icg.net


The Daily Edition
A Daily Bulletin for ICG Employees

Please e-mail corporate_communications@icgcomm.com if you have
information you would like included in The Daily Edition.




        From the desk of Jim O'Brien, VP of Operations:

"I'm pleased to announce the promotion of Colin Paddock to Director,
San Jose NOC.  In the relatively short time Colin has been with us, he
has demonstrated that his roots in the Internet Ghetto give him just
the sort of street-smarts and "jack moves" that this position
requires.  His innovative use of t-ball bats as motivational tools, and
his standard-setting technique for verbally bitch-slapping vendors,
have served as an inspiration to the NOC crew.  As anyone who has
puffed a blunt with him on the stoop at Race St. can attest, he is one
fly gangstah.  Plus, he's got the pimp-est ride in the parking lot.
Please congratulate Colin on his promotion and support him in his new
responsibilities.  Props to mah homie!"



        From the desk of "D":

"Y'all some fools!  I'm out."



        San Jose NOC announces grade-school internship program!

Having had great success in recruiting talent from high schools across
the country, NOC Management in San Jose is proud to announce a new
program designed to get more of a good thing.  Ralph Pearson, the San
Jose NOC Director, elaborates, "The principle is quite simple really:
having established an inverse proportionality between age and Internet
experience, one could easily extrapolate that the great success we have
had in exploiting high school graduates could be exponentiated if we
apply the same principle to a lower age group.  We are a little nervous
about giving some of those kids root passwords, but the candidates we
have interviewed so far already have them for some reason, so I guess
it's ok." The NOC will have an additional row of workstations added at
the front, with all the components scaled to 2/3 for better ergonomics
(pictures coming soon!).



        Medical Miracle:  Cynthia Guzman has twin cows!!!

At 12:01amMT 4/1/00, Cynthia Guzman, ICG account manager for MSN,
became the proud mother of two healthy cows.  After conferring with
some genetic engineers from UC Boulder, the Chief of Obstetrics at
Kaiser's Denver facility concluded: "a unique combination of fall-out
from nuclear testing in the rural areas around Denver, and extremely
high stress levels that the patient suggests are probably work-related,
appear to have been responsible for the genetic mutation that made this
possible."  Way to go, Cynthia!  Another first for ICG!



        Network Security audit takes ironic twist:

Former CIO Roy Porkovic has left the company following the release of
some findings from a security audit he commissioned in early March.
Originally intending to perform the security audit to ensure the
integrity of ICG's data network, Roy inadvertently exposed not only
gaping security holes in the internal network territory supported by
his organization, but a carefully concealed operation involving 18gb of
beastiality photos that were being sold on the Internet via a server at
Roy's house.

Under no circumstances should Mr. Porkovic be allowed on the premises
of any ICG facility; employees with pets or livestock at their homes
are advised to keep them indoors.



        Farewell to San Jose NOC Director

Ralph Pearson, 5+ year NOC veteran has decided to leave the company to
pursue a career in beer making.  He explains his decision:  "I'm
following a logical progression:  being in operations management
inspired me to drink heavily, heavy drinking inspired me to start
brewing my own beer, and brewing my own beer naturally led to...well,
wanting to brew more beer.  I've been fairly successful at giving away
homebrew, so I'm hoping to transition into actually charging money for
it, but I can work all that out later -- I was never good with figures
anyway...(hic'...burp!).  Thanks everyone; it's been great.  Come
over for a brewski sometime...hic'..."



        Daily Kudos

        Nominated by NOC night shift

"We'd like to offer *big* kudos to Keith Minard for supplying us with the
bad-ass capuccino machine in the break room.  If anyone knows who's got the
PO for the maintenance on that thing, call NOC immediately at 303-414-3300."